He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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