Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
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This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
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