the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
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You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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