In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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