So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we made out on top of his cat.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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