So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
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I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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