but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
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I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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