Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

just caught grandpa beating off in the living room

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(619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room http://tfl.nu/3g7q

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(856): View more from New Jersey

We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life

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(856): We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life http://tfl.nu/wuon

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(614): View more from Ohio

just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.

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(614): just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society. http://tfl.nu/uah3

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(815): View more from Illinois

if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.

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(815): if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it. http://tfl.nu/9gem

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(734): View more from Michigan

she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.

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(734): she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help. http://tfl.nu/iorj

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.

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(608): I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here. http://tfl.nu/1bbr

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(719): View more from Colorado

He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet

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(719): He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet http://tfl.nu/3sfp

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?

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(402): Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/ycxt

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock

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(803): Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock http://tfl.nu/bp8m

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(850): View more from Florida

I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.

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(850): I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever. http://tfl.nu/5f06

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve

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(412): Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve http://tfl.nu/y29u

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...

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(803): Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone... http://tfl.nu/bgtw

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(804): View more from Virginia

If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.

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(804): If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks. http://tfl.nu/t0d1

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.

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(202): I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it. http://tfl.nu/il0a

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(919): View more from North Carolina

That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry

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(919): That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry http://tfl.nu/76an

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