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just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
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