this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
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I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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