can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize