I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
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The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
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Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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