is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
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I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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