I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize