btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
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it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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