Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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