I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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