I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
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I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
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Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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