You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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