Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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