I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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