omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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