my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
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Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
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You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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