Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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