theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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