Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
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She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
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If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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