pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize