Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
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Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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