respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
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We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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