and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
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You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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