I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Bring me that man meat
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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