you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize