Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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