i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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