I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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