I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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