Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Small penises have feelings too.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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