i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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