I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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