FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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