goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
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So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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