she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
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Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
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it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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