why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize