You really coming over, don't trick.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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