can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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