I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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