I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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