Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
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We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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