yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
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I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
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How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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