Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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