Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
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She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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